I want something big (it’s just not what I said I wanted last time…)
My friend: “I’m guessing ambitious people struggle a lot with admitting something they wanted is no longer something they want.”
Me: You have no idea. Why do you think it’s so hard for me to figure out what to do with The Complement*? (*The Complement is my first business. I founded it in 2017 as Retail to Riches, rebranded as The Complement in 2018. As I write this in Fall 2021, it is still running, albeit under the umbrella of my primary brand, The Amanda Wagner).
In this conversation, the sample size is small…. Ambition, Party of One. I’ve noticed a few things that happen when people settle into their ambition, when they admit that they want big things and are ready to share it.
1. Their confidence grows.
2. They get loud about what they are doing, and they start to move quickly so that they move closer to what they want.
3. They share with the people who get it, and pay far less attention to the people who don’t.
These are all wonderful things! I have experienced this myself and I’ve seen it firsthand with the people I have the pleasure of working with.
And sometimes, we change our minds. We decide we want more, or different, or to use a different strategy. What we once wanted with all of our being isn’t what we want anymore.
What a gut punch. It wasn’t supposed to go this way.
I’ve learned that sometimes it’s only once we get loud and proud and share what we want and why it matters and why people need to pay attention, we start to wonder “what’s next?”, ponder the next potential, or realize we want to change course.
What happens next?
How do you admit that you’ve outgrown something you once wanted, an idea or pursuit that lit you up, something that you toiled to create, that you thought would fuel you for months, years, decades to come, your legacy?
What happens if you haven’t achieved what you thought you wanted to, or taken your venture or pursuit to its full potential, where you once imagined it would go?
(As I write this, my stomach is turning, the feelings of shame are off the charts, and I still don’t know what to do with The Complement. I’m not asking for a pity party, and I’m not asking for advice. I’m reminding you that if you feel these things, you are not alone).
So how DO you admit that what something you once wanted isn’t at the top of your list anymore? Maybe it’s not even in your top ten?
I wish I could say that you just change your mind and everyone else can go f*ck themselves. If only it were that easy…. In reality, it’s not about impressing others, it’s about embracing the change, and acknowledging that by honouring what you want, even if it’s not what you used to want, or what you thought you wanted.
This is the magic of being a multipotentialite, and that doesn’t mean you’re a shiny-object-chaser, it means that just as the word suggests: you have multiple potentials. And cheers to you for pursuing your potentials (even if it wasn’t what you were pursuing when your family last asked what you were up to).
If you’re in a position where what you want has changed, but find yourself hung up on how to share it, justify your next steps, or how to change course, watch Emilie Wapnick’s TEDTalk, and brace yourself for a huge sigh of relief.
Once your shoulders are a little lower, and your anxiety is lowered, and you feel like you can move to the next thing, here are three things to tell yourself, to help you go for your next thing:
1. I reserve the right to change my mind, as often as I want.
2. My ambition is not about my industry; who I am, what I do, my worth, and what I produce are all separate. My value is not determined by my work.
3. If I can answer the question “why does moving to the next thing matter to me?” to myself (no need to share with anyone unless I want to) to then that is enough. My trajectory is nobody else’s business.
Ambition knows no bounds, and it would be a disservice to stick with something you once wanted just to say you did it, especially if you find that it isn’t lighting your fire anymore.
If you’re looking for permission to change your mind, want more, or change directions, permission granted. Ambitious multipotentialites unite!