Perspectives on Friendship
On The Amanda Wagner Podcast, LP and I spent two episodes digging into what it means to be a friend as an adult, including what it’s like to make new friends, outgrow and find distance between friends, and what to do when expectations do not jive.
In Episode 38, we discuss a phrase that my friend Kerri taught me, she said “I’d rather have four quarters than ten dimes”; that is, I’d rather have four friends that I can get deep and meaningful with, than 10 friends that are further removed. And in Episode 39, we hear from some of my quarters - some perspectives from people who are navigating their adult friendships in periods of transition, from different places in the world, through changing and growing families, in hopes that their words connect with someone listening.
In an effort to look at some of my friendships and do a gentle friendship audit (I’m not at the point where I’m ready to actively dissolve friendships, that still feels a little scary), I had a look at how i connect with the different people in my lives.
I am confident that I’m not the only one who has had to reconsider friendships, especially during covid, where our priorities have shifted, we’ve transitioned our lives to be from home, and we’ve reassessed where we put our time and energy. I’ve created the document (click on the image below to download your copy!) to help guide you through the assessment of the relationships in your life, and to give you an opportunity to get real with yourself, and see how your relationships are meeting your needs (or not).
Click on the image above to download the PDF worksheet!
I recommend starting at the inside, the inner circle. These are your ‘ride or die’ people, the ones who you call to celebrate, commiserate, to ask for advice, feedback, or support. The ones with whom you find yourself drawn to, the ones you want to spend time with, the ones you’ll go out of your way to connect with.
From there, move outwards: who do you keep at arms length? These are the people that you connect with, but maybe not as often, or maybe you edit what you share, reserving certain topics or ideas for your inner circle.
Finally, one more layer out, we have our acquaintances. The people we recognize from our online lives or from a communal workspace or a networking event. The friend of a friend, the person who knows your name, but not much more.
The bottom line: you get to choose where you put your time and energy. And these are limited resources. This tool is here to help you reassess, find your people, and give you some language to describe these relationships as you figure out what you need, want, and feel fulfilled by.
